Be an adult they said. It will be fun they said

Hello it’s me.  I haven’t blogged in a while, and that’s because I normally only do when something in my life drastically happens.

I graduated from college eight months ago.  Eight.  And I can’t possibly put into words how crazy that is.

When I graduated I thought, ‘Oh I’ll be fine.  I’ll get a job soon after I graduate.  I’m not worried.’  Well damn was I wrong.  It took me more than half a year to find a full-time job and it’s not exactly in the field I have a degree in (but not necessarily a bad thing either).

The process of finding one is a series of demoralizing experiences, or at least it was for me.  I spent many weeks feeling worthless.  I hated when people asked me what I did for work or if I had a job.  I felt like I was being judged because I didn’t already have one.  I was told that something will come, or I’ll find something, and that I have time… all that BS.  But I still felt like a pathetic loser.

In the end, everything worked out as part of God’s plan.  I accepted a job at a 5-Star resort in the North Country, and I moved to a town that’s home of two Olympic Winter Games.  It took me eight months, but I’ve come to realize that it was worth the wait.  I now live on my own and I’ve never felt more like an adult than I do at this very moment.

To anyone still struggling to find a job, it does get better and you will find something.




Running, Uncategorized

Being insecure (about everything)

Some of us hate what we see when looking in the mirror, whether it’s our nose or legs or smile.  Whatever it may be, we all have our insecurities.

I don’t look in the mirror to check myself out.  I look in the mirror constantly to see if I look fatter than I did 5 minutes ago.

I’m obsessed with working out.

I can’t follow super models or fitness people on Instagram.  It’s hard for me to see people running when I’m not.  I go absolutely insane when I have to take time off from running because I can’t enjoy food the same way.  When that happens after season, I’m a total nightmare.

Running is the only thing that keeps me sane.

I used to be a chubby-ish child growing up until I picked up running.  One summer, I had a bad case of the stomach bug and lost 13 pounds.  After that, I became obsessed with my appearance and I didn’t want to gain the weight back.  I started to eat cautiously and exercise a lot more.

That’s when I became super insecure.

I’m convinced that I’ve gone through so many injuries throughout my running career because I overwork myself.  I run too many miles, I stay on the elliptical for too long, or I’m doing too much physical activity in one day, and I don’t think my body can’t handle it.

I’m totally obsessed with burning calories.


college, Uncategorized

And that’s a wrap

They really aren’t kidding when they say college goes by fast……

Yesterday marked the last day of me being a junior in college, and honestly I’m so relieved.  Not the fact that I have one more year left, but having nothing to do.  This semester was the worst semester I’ve ever had–subpar classes, track, suite mate problems, feeling like a piece of shit and the list goes on…. I’ve never been more excited to go home and recharge my batteries.




Running, Uncategorized

Feelings toward SBU’s first track program since the ’30s

Honestly, I don’t even know how to feel towards track.  After running 6 seasons of BOTH indoor and outdoor on top of 6 seasons of cross country in high school, I definitely have mixed feelings.

What stood out about St. Bonaventure was how we were only a cross country team, and in the spring would run 1 or 2 meets for practice.  I liked how I wouldn’t strain/ burn out my body by running all year round.  Now, we are considered an A10 track team, which scares me.


  • Having more money
  • **Easier transition into summer training**
  • Not getting fat

And the Cons…

  • St. Bonaventure: 1,900 students. All other A10 schools: 10,000+ students
  • Western New York weather sucks

Running is considered an individual sport as well as a team sport.  Doing well individually is what makes our team as a whole score better.  My coach always tells me that it doesn’t matter how you place amongst all the other runners, but to only focus on improving yourself. But for me, I care about everything.

I do care how I place amongst other runners.  I do care if I place not as well as I had hoped. I do care if my time is off. I do care if we as a team finish last. And I do care what other people think.

If I run bad, everyone will think I’m slow

My biggest worry is that: If I run bad, everyone will think I’m slow.

Earlier in the week, I met with a sports pyschologist because running stresses me out. How could running be my passion AND make me so stressed out to the point where I feel like crying/ puking??? It’s because I care so much.  I’m a perfectionist.  I expect to run well every time, to PR every time, to feel good every time… In reality, no one can have good days all the time.  I’m slowly learning that it’s OK to not run well every time, to PR every time and to feel good every time.  I’m learning to except my failures because in the end everything will work out.

I spend so much energy trying to fight off my inner demons inside my head when I run that I exert so much negative energy.  It sucks.  No matter how hard I try, I always find myself stressing out.  The only way to better myself is to be calm and stay positive.

I think how lucky I am to be able to run at a D1 level because not many people have that opportunity.





st bonaventure, Uncategorized

Living in a boring town

To tell you the truth, I never pictured myself living in Western New York, especially Olean, a town where almost nothing ever happens outside St. Bonaventure. Growing up, my dad used to brag about how great of a school it is.  The partying, the athletics, the people, the camaraderie-everything.  Still, I wanted nothing to do with it.

My dad encouraged me to go on a tour and I finally agreed to it.  From Albany, N.Y. to Olean is about 5 hours and the whole way I bitched about how boring the car ride was.  For most of the drive I questioned whether or not there’s even civilization because all I saw was acres of unused land.

I’m not coming here

I don’t like it

There’s no one on campus. Why is there no one on campus? 

Over and over again, I thought to myself how St. Bonaventure wasn’t the school for me, and that I went on a tour to make my dad happy.  Boy was I wrong.

As it turned out, St. Bonaventure is the school for me.  I love it and I couldn’t imagine how different my college experience would be if I went elsewhere.  My dad was right about everything.  All these years, I refused to believe how great of a school St. Bonaventure is.

Despite the town of Olean/Allegany being so boring with absolutely nothing to do, St. Bonaventure has changed me.  I always wanted to go far away to college because I wanted to experience an environment different from Albany and meet people different from the people I went to high school with.  While there’s not much diversity at Bonas, I’ve met people who are very different from me, and that was exactly what I wanted when I decided to go to school 5 hours away from my hometown.








journalism, Uncategorized

What I learned from Denny’s class

stressed out clipart

Well…… I’ve learned a lot.  When I say a lot, I mean I learned a shit ton, more than I expected to.  But most importantly, I learned to understand Denny’s work ethic and apply it to the real world.  After all, that’s why he teaches the way he does.

I decided to torture myself by enrolling in the second part of his news reporting class.  Anddddddd I basically cried the second I walked into his newsroom on Jan. 21.

But I’m glad I suffered through his 75-minute class twice a week.

I learned that in life, you need to be pushed far past your limits.  That’s exactly what Denny does.  He pushes every single one of his students.  He rips apart their writing.  No, he destroys their writing only because he cares.  You need people to be critical of your work or you’ll never succeed.

Some people say (a lot of people say) that going to a small school is just like high school, where you see the same people every day.  While that may be true, there are perks of going to a small school.

You aren’t treated like another face in the crowd.  You aren’t a nobody either.

Here at St. Bonaventure, professors actually take the time to know you and care about what you do outside the classroom.  The first thing Denny asks me when I go to his office is usually something running related–like how stupid I am for running when I have a strained achilles (update:  I’m healthy now!!) Or how I should rest or I’ll never improve.  The same thing applies to writing.  In order to be a successful writer, you need to work just as hard as you would if you trained for a 5K.




Nobody likes a sore loser… Yes, I’m referring to you, Mary

If you recall the 1984 Summer Olympics, shit went down between Mary Decker and Zola Budd.  For those who don’t know who they are, here’s a quick background.

Mary Decker:  Constantly talking about the gold medal she didn’t win.  As a child, she raced against runners who were twice her age, and no one could top her strong and powerful kick to the finish.  She’s a former American elite runner and world champion in the 1500 and 3000 meters.  Some say she’s one of the greatest athletes of all time.

Zola Budd:  The South African girl who never wore shoes, literally.  Her running style was very unusual in that she only trained and raced barefoot.  At 17, she broke the women’s 5K record with the time of 15:01:83, among other records.  Even though she lived South Africa, she ran for Great Britain in the Olympics, and had said in an interview that she wishes she never took part.

In the 3000m final, Decker set the pace. Halfway through the race, the pace slowed down and Budd took the lead.  Decker then took a wide turn to pass Budd to get back in the inside.

Since all the other runners ran closely in a pack, Decker and Budd kept tripping on each other’s feet.  Unfortunately, Decker tripped on Budd, lost her balance, and went down.

I remember watching a documentary on ESPN on these two gifted runners.    When Mary Decker went down, it sounded like everyone in the crowd booed Zola Budd for something that could’ve happened to anyone with how close in distance they were of each other.

I get really rattled when I think about the terrible attitude Decker had.  From being carried off the track in tears, to completely ignoring everyone around her, to freaking out in press conferences.  Years after her fall, she’s still super bitter about it.  I think after watching her actions that day, among other days, made me dislike her as a person immensely.   I really can’t stand prima donnas.

Maybe she would’ve won, maybe not.  Life’s too short to be salty all the time.

To this day, Decker and Budd are still not on good terms primarily because Decker doesn’t believe she was ever in the wrong; therefore, she never felt the need to apologize.

Decker was Budd’s idol up until the 1984 Olympics.

decker budd fall


Running, Uncategorized

What elite runners eat

elite runners

I often wonder this:  Do runners need to be on special diets in order to increase performance?

Some say we should be vegetarians, others say we should be Paleo, while others say we should be gluten-free or stick to a low-carb diet (<— HOW???!!)

I find myself struggling to decide what my diet should be when I’m in training mode…. Well actually, I find myself struggling in general.

I went on the Internet and searched what elite runners’ diets are and I found this:

Molly Huddle calls her diet “the typical American diet.” In high school, she ate cereal for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, and meat and potatoes for dinner.  This diet fueled her enough to place fourth at her high school cross country championships, and a national high school record in the 2 mile with the time of 10:01.

In college, Huddle ate cereal and bagels with peanut butter, among other things and rarely ate salad.  This diet fueled her for nine All-American sectionals and second at the 2006 NCAA 5k Championships.

As a professional, Huddle’s diet consists of whole-grain pancakes, sandwiches for lunch, and meats with vegetables and a salad.  This fueled her to nine national championships and two American records in the 5k.

Now this diet doesn’t work for everyone because we reject and accept different foods.  However, I highly respect the fact that Molly Huddle eats pancakes for breakfast.

Kenyan runners are the best in the world and they have been for years.  I’ve always wondered what they ate because their bodies are so lean, so how can they be so fast and talented?  Well, this is what I found:

Kenyans eat a lot of ugali (cornmeal porridge), sukuma wiki (collared greens), ndengu (stewed mung beans, whatever that is), and chapati (which is like water-based dough.. similar to what tortillas are made out of).  Kenyans also stock up on starchy foods.

*Remember that dieting like an elite doesn’t necessarily mean limiting your food options much like the different groups of elite runners do.  Instead, it means “emulating their key dietary habits.”

(Information found on Competitor.com)

Running, Uncategorized

But do I really need a break?

It’s been a week since cross-country ended and I officially feel old.  Before I know it, I’ll be racing my very last collegiate race ever.  Don’t rush it, Nicolette.

I think one of the hardest things for a runner to do is take time off from running.  Sure I complain and stay stuff like, “why do I run. I hate it,” or “someone chop off my legs.”  But in reality, I love to run, and it really sucks taking a break.

The problem I have is that i HATE taking time off.  That’s one of the reasons why I hate Sundays because it’s normally a rest day.  I sometimes (never) listen to my body when it tells me I need a break, and I realized that when I experienced and injury last winter and another in the spring.

Boy was I pissed.

Now that I’ve been healthy for three months, I just need to be smart and take care of my body.  Knowing me, I probably won’t listen and do something stupid.

…..Well, I hope not.




My Halloween

Waking up this morning, I knew that this would be my last 5K of the season. How scary. Even scarier to think that today would be my second to last race of the year. How??!!!??

Throughout the season, all of us have gone through hardships. Whether it’s recovering from an injury, getting injured, or just feeling dead tired. A-10s is the race where you have to leave behind all the negativity and just run your heart out. I think we all did that today.

The Bonaventure men’s cross-country team beat VCU by 1 point, not placing last in the conference. I would say that’s an accomplishment, even if it may only be one point. When you run against fast and talented runners, it’s hard to race when no one is around you. Running alone is mentally hard, but they all persevered through it.

As for the women’s team, we ran smart. Sure maybe not everyone PR’d or raced as well as they had hoped, but we stayed relatively close to one another. We pushed each other and raced competitively. Racing against the fastest runners in our conference is scary and intimidating, especially for those first timers, but you can’t focus on that. Only focus on running to your fullest potential and you’ll be fine. I think we all did that, so no one should be disappointed.

Within the first 200 meters, I heard my best friend mumble “hey girl” to me and I basically died. As I said before, running against your best friend may be the weirdest feeling, and needless to say, it was.

For the first mile, Hunter, Hailey and I ran in a pack, and God it felt like I was in a movie or something. I don’t remember the last time that happened ESPECIALLY IN A RACE. We unintentionally formed a triangle.

triad race

When you race collegiately, you keep those memories forever. For me, today is one of them. I got to run beside my best friends in possibly the best running conditions you can ask for. I got to see Hunter—someone I haven’t seen since August, and I ended my last 5K with a PR. It can’t get much better than that.

Today is a great day to be a Bonnie.

A10s 2015

(Shout out to my parents once again for driving 10 hours to see me run for 30 seconds…. Ya’ll are awesome!!!!)