Honestly, I don’t even know how to feel towards track. After running 6 seasons of BOTH indoor and outdoor on top of 6 seasons of cross country in high school, I definitely have mixed feelings.
What stood out about St. Bonaventure was how we were only a cross country team, and in the spring would run 1 or 2 meets for practice. I liked how I wouldn’t strain/ burn out my body by running all year round. Now, we are considered an A10 track team, which scares me.
- Having more money
- **Easier transition into summer training**
- Not getting fat
And the Cons…
- St. Bonaventure: 1,900 students. All other A10 schools: 10,000+ students
- Western New York weather sucks
Running is considered an individual sport as well as a team sport. Doing well individually is what makes our team as a whole score better. My coach always tells me that it doesn’t matter how you place amongst all the other runners, but to only focus on improving yourself. But for me, I care about everything.
I do care how I place amongst other runners. I do care if I place not as well as I had hoped. I do care if my time is off. I do care if we as a team finish last. And I do care what other people think.
If I run bad, everyone will think I’m slow
My biggest worry is that: If I run bad, everyone will think I’m slow.
Earlier in the week, I met with a sports pyschologist because running stresses me out. How could running be my passion AND make me so stressed out to the point where I feel like crying/ puking??? It’s because I care so much. I’m a perfectionist. I expect to run well every time, to PR every time, to feel good every time… In reality, no one can have good days all the time. I’m slowly learning that it’s OK to not run well every time, to PR every time and to feel good every time. I’m learning to except my failures because in the end everything will work out.
I spend so much energy trying to fight off my inner demons inside my head when I run that I exert so much negative energy. It sucks. No matter how hard I try, I always find myself stressing out. The only way to better myself is to be calm and stay positive.
I think how lucky I am to be able to run at a D1 level because not many people have that opportunity.