Running, Uncategorized

Being insecure (about everything)

Some of us hate what we see when looking in the mirror, whether it’s our nose or legs or smile.  Whatever it may be, we all have our insecurities.

I don’t look in the mirror to check myself out.  I look in the mirror constantly to see if I look fatter than I did 5 minutes ago.

I’m obsessed with working out.

I can’t follow super models or fitness people on Instagram.  It’s hard for me to see people running when I’m not.  I go absolutely insane when I have to take time off from running because I can’t enjoy food the same way.  When that happens after season, I’m a total nightmare.

Running is the only thing that keeps me sane.

I used to be a chubby-ish child growing up until I picked up running.  One summer, I had a bad case of the stomach bug and lost 13 pounds.  After that, I became obsessed with my appearance and I didn’t want to gain the weight back.  I started to eat cautiously and exercise a lot more.

That’s when I became super insecure.

I’m convinced that I’ve gone through so many injuries throughout my running career because I overwork myself.  I run too many miles, I stay on the elliptical for too long, or I’m doing too much physical activity in one day, and I don’t think my body can’t handle it.

I’m totally obsessed with burning calories.


Running, Uncategorized

Feelings toward SBU’s first track program since the ’30s

Honestly, I don’t even know how to feel towards track.  After running 6 seasons of BOTH indoor and outdoor on top of 6 seasons of cross country in high school, I definitely have mixed feelings.

What stood out about St. Bonaventure was how we were only a cross country team, and in the spring would run 1 or 2 meets for practice.  I liked how I wouldn’t strain/ burn out my body by running all year round.  Now, we are considered an A10 track team, which scares me.


  • Having more money
  • **Easier transition into summer training**
  • Not getting fat

And the Cons…

  • St. Bonaventure: 1,900 students. All other A10 schools: 10,000+ students
  • Western New York weather sucks

Running is considered an individual sport as well as a team sport.  Doing well individually is what makes our team as a whole score better.  My coach always tells me that it doesn’t matter how you place amongst all the other runners, but to only focus on improving yourself. But for me, I care about everything.

I do care how I place amongst other runners.  I do care if I place not as well as I had hoped. I do care if my time is off. I do care if we as a team finish last. And I do care what other people think.

If I run bad, everyone will think I’m slow

My biggest worry is that: If I run bad, everyone will think I’m slow.

Earlier in the week, I met with a sports pyschologist because running stresses me out. How could running be my passion AND make me so stressed out to the point where I feel like crying/ puking??? It’s because I care so much.  I’m a perfectionist.  I expect to run well every time, to PR every time, to feel good every time… In reality, no one can have good days all the time.  I’m slowly learning that it’s OK to not run well every time, to PR every time and to feel good every time.  I’m learning to except my failures because in the end everything will work out.

I spend so much energy trying to fight off my inner demons inside my head when I run that I exert so much negative energy.  It sucks.  No matter how hard I try, I always find myself stressing out.  The only way to better myself is to be calm and stay positive.

I think how lucky I am to be able to run at a D1 level because not many people have that opportunity.






Prepare yourself

Back in September, I received these text messages from three different people:

The other day we did 5 miles of tempo and

I literally thought about running into traffic

and getting hit by a car so I didn’t have

to keep going.

Literally I feel like I’m going to die everyday. 

We don’t do any sort of warm up, which is 

rough. I also sobbed the other day during our

hill workout–it wasn’t a fun time. I was just

running around campus crying.

Why tf do we run?

Welcome to college running!!!!

In high school, I used to dread going to practice every day, knowing that we would have a meet coming up or have a “hard” workout later.

I hated being surrounded by all of my negative teammates because I was feeding into their negativity:  hating running

Yes, I hated running in high school.

Running in college was something I never saw myself doing until my senior year.  As a senior, I was so unaware of the potential problems that might happen being a freshman Division I cross-country runner.

Feeling like a total outcast amongst all the other teammates, not feeling welcomed, adjusting to a different running system, not having my dog on my bed, etc.

Those were some of the problems I didn’t know were going to happen my first season (well, other than the fact that I wouldn’t be waking up to my dog next to me, but that’s beside the point).

I didn’t even realize the differences from high school running to college running would be so noticeable, until my first week of pre-season where I considered amputating my legs (still consider it at times).

I came from a team where we weren’t running a lot of miles, goofing off happened regularly and nobody took running seriously, with exception of a few people.

Everything from coaching, to training and to racing at a much higher level of intensity, was something I didn’t take into consideration until now.

I used to think it was shitty that my old coach had us run low mileage.  I thought because of only running 15-20 miles a week, we were at such a disadvantage when we would race against teams like Saratoga or Shenendehowa.

But after hearing about how girls I once ran against in high school no longer run in college anymore because a) they burned out b) they quit or c) they grew to hate running, I’m glad he trained us the way he did.

As you can see, college running is a lot different and more intense than high school running.  However, I find it to be much more rewarding.

If there’s one thing I learned from being on a team it’s realizing that it isn’t about being apart of a really fast team.  It’s about creating and maintaining friendships with people because at the end of the day, that’s what really matters.


Nobody likes a sore loser… Yes, I’m referring to you, Mary

If you recall the 1984 Summer Olympics, shit went down between Mary Decker and Zola Budd.  For those who don’t know who they are, here’s a quick background.

Mary Decker:  Constantly talking about the gold medal she didn’t win.  As a child, she raced against runners who were twice her age, and no one could top her strong and powerful kick to the finish.  She’s a former American elite runner and world champion in the 1500 and 3000 meters.  Some say she’s one of the greatest athletes of all time.

Zola Budd:  The South African girl who never wore shoes, literally.  Her running style was very unusual in that she only trained and raced barefoot.  At 17, she broke the women’s 5K record with the time of 15:01:83, among other records.  Even though she lived South Africa, she ran for Great Britain in the Olympics, and had said in an interview that she wishes she never took part.

In the 3000m final, Decker set the pace. Halfway through the race, the pace slowed down and Budd took the lead.  Decker then took a wide turn to pass Budd to get back in the inside.

Since all the other runners ran closely in a pack, Decker and Budd kept tripping on each other’s feet.  Unfortunately, Decker tripped on Budd, lost her balance, and went down.

I remember watching a documentary on ESPN on these two gifted runners.    When Mary Decker went down, it sounded like everyone in the crowd booed Zola Budd for something that could’ve happened to anyone with how close in distance they were of each other.

I get really rattled when I think about the terrible attitude Decker had.  From being carried off the track in tears, to completely ignoring everyone around her, to freaking out in press conferences.  Years after her fall, she’s still super bitter about it.  I think after watching her actions that day, among other days, made me dislike her as a person immensely.   I really can’t stand prima donnas.

Maybe she would’ve won, maybe not.  Life’s too short to be salty all the time.

To this day, Decker and Budd are still not on good terms primarily because Decker doesn’t believe she was ever in the wrong; therefore, she never felt the need to apologize.

Decker was Budd’s idol up until the 1984 Olympics.

decker budd fall


Running, Uncategorized

But do I really need a break?

It’s been a week since cross-country ended and I officially feel old.  Before I know it, I’ll be racing my very last collegiate race ever.  Don’t rush it, Nicolette.

I think one of the hardest things for a runner to do is take time off from running.  Sure I complain and stay stuff like, “why do I run. I hate it,” or “someone chop off my legs.”  But in reality, I love to run, and it really sucks taking a break.

The problem I have is that i HATE taking time off.  That’s one of the reasons why I hate Sundays because it’s normally a rest day.  I sometimes (never) listen to my body when it tells me I need a break, and I realized that when I experienced and injury last winter and another in the spring.

Boy was I pissed.

Now that I’ve been healthy for three months, I just need to be smart and take care of my body.  Knowing me, I probably won’t listen and do something stupid.

…..Well, I hope not.




The Things I Think About While Running

I’ve been asked both by non-runners and runners what I think about while running. Trust me, thinking isn’t hard at all. I used to think it was impractical to recall the list of things I’ve thought about because it includes literally everything you can imagine.  Here’s a list of some of the many things I think about while running:

What a beautiful day to run

This sucks

My hips are tight. I’m stiff. I can’t feel my fingers. Why is she stomping her feet so loud?!

Well, 800 meters is two laps around a track… So the first lap doesn’t count and the second doesn’t count sooo basically, it’s like I’m not even running


God damn it. This hill is such a bitch!!

Great, my watch died

Maybe if I look depressed, Coach will change the workout 

Wow, that was fast

I’m not going to check my watch until I get to that tree

What’s for dinner?

Hey, look! Another jogger

If I were to have a heart attack, who would find my body?

Why do I run? It’s so hard

Sorry car, but I’m not moving out of the way

She totally doesn’t run.. look at her awful form. Her arms are flopping around everywhere. Who do she think she is?!

Come on, Nicolette run faster

It’s so hot out, I need water

Should I inform these walkers that I’m coming up behind them, or should I stomp my feet really loud so they know I’m trying to pass them? Ehh I won’t say anything. (Surprise)

This puddle doesn’t look that deep, so I thought… 

I’m almost home. I need to sprint the last half mile

I probably shouldn’t have eaten 15 minutes beforehand.. oh well

Mother Effer..

What do you think about while running?